Calming the storm

There are a lot of times where I feel overwhelmed. Stumped. Paralysed. I felt like I'm swimming in this endless to-do-list that I will never checked. The fear of starting, and the panic of not finishing it sometimes makes it more overwhelming.

Despite having a lot to do, I can't seem to start. My mind wander to the wildest of places where when I did ended up, I don't even know how I got there. My brain felt like this jumbled up mush, jumping here and there, and me, the owner of it, is at its mercy. 

I have tried calming myself down a lot of times, but although my body did calmed down, my brain did not. It went into overdrive, driving me insane. When I do managed to clear up the brain clutter, I felt as if I'm in this meta-cognitive state, looking down on myself doing things. I don't know what it is actually called, but that't the way I see it.

I'm at lost sometimes, and hating myself for bringing me in this state. But I do know that, I need to crawl myself back up to a more healthy mind-state. I know I can do it, but I needed the time to do so.

Now, I'm trying to be gentle and forgiving to myself and allow myself to slowly build up the 'spark' that has went missing.